Self-Care is not Selfish

It was early Friday morning and I really wanted to get out for a bike ride. I needed the exercise, I knew the outdoors and sweat would do me good, but I had a long list of projects that needed to be completed. I had a few things already beyond their deadlines and people were needing them.

So I faced a dilemma. Hop on my bicycle and get in a good 60 minute workout or dive straight into the tasks screaming at me? Do something that would be good for me or take care of things that other people needed?

Then it hit me. Self-Care will always feel self-serving. Doing what other people need always feels more heroic, more gallant. Taking care of me feels inherently selfish.

However, the list of things that other people need is never ending. There is always more to do, more attention that could be given to any project, more email or phone calls. If I wait until all of those are addressed I will never get out to do some of what I need for my own health and well-being. I will always put it off, choosing the urgent instead of the important.

Twelve years ago I wrote the first draft of a personal calling statement. It has morphed and focused over the years, but one component that hasn’t changed is the commitment I made to live in such a way that I am accelerating at age 80.  That is, in every area of life — spiritually, relationally, intellectually, and physically — I want to still be gaining speed when I turn 80.  (I will worry about what comes after that then.)

I realize that taking care of my body is one of the most important components of fulfilling that calling.  It is the only vehicle God has given me through which I can engage in everything that matters. Being a steward of this body is non-negotiable if I intend to be accelerating at 80.  However, even though I get it intellectually, on a day by day basis I get seduced into taking care of other people and other things at the expense taking care of myself.

Last Friday was a breakthrough.

The truth is, unless I appropriately care for the only body I have, I will be out of the game and unable to contribute to the world in any significant way. So, while it may seem selfish to put a few people or projects on a temporary hold, at the end of the day it is the only way to steward everything God has put within my reach. Self-care is not only unselfish, it is actually one of the major priorities for any leader. Leaders cannot live at the red-line and hope to stay in the game?

I’ll see you on the bike path.


Leadership

COMMUNITY — THE FIFTH “C”

It used to be that the notion of a leader as Lone Ranger was a good thing. Riding in on a white horse to save the day single-handedly is the way great leaders carried themselves. That day is over. Today, leaders that operate today as autocratic individualists are suspect.

Calling & Courage

How big is the wake behind your "boat?" Do you cut through the waters of life without leaving a mark, or do the waves of your wake reverberate in people long after you are gone? The 5 "C's" of Leadership Capacity are qualities that translate into the breadth and depth of a leader's influence: aka. the wake behind "your boat."

Character & Competency

Character-deep leaders understand the relationship between character and competency. While character may be the key to influence, they have also learned to rely on their competencies much like a master-mechanic relies on tools.

Mission

A Simpler View of the Church

In this world of complexity, we need to re-discover the essence of what it means to be the church. I'd like to offer a suggestion-a new attempt at definition, if you will.

Redecorating a One Room House

Much of the time, the church is like people inside a one-room building who are busy rearranging the furniture but ignoring the real question.

The Value of Sacrifice

They speak of a life and a value system that sounds foreign to a western ear. We are busy worrying about how to provide everything our children need.

Life

Life is Fragile…and Sacred

When you are a child, you are typically oblivious to the dangers that surround you. When you are a teenager, you feel downright indestructible. As a young adult, it seems we are just too busy with a million irons in the fire to notice our own mortality. But somehow, as you get older you come [...]

What I'm Reading

Runner’s up for Book of the Year 2008

What were your books of the year? My runner's up for book of the year honors are: Tribes by Seth Godin; and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero.

Book of the Year

At the end of the day we thought our Christian life would be more than this—-somehow larger, more significant, more vivid, more glorious. But driving to church on Sunday often feels a bit like the movie, Ground Hog Day,

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

I grew up in a Christian culture that functionally reduced following Jesus to a list of obligations and daily duties. Here is a profoundly different look at discipleship. One that is freeing and enticing.

about LEADING

  • Most people spend their lives fighting off the wind and the waves of the ocean. Leaders chart a way through them. aboutLEADING is the personal blog of Gary Mayes and a forum to discuss lessons at the intersection of life and leadership.

Asides

  • The VISION issue of www.noredcapes.com just went live. It features articles and resources to help leaders with the challenges of vision clarification and communication.  (noREDcapes is a journal for leaders that I publish every couple months.)

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